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About Me Member Varied Artist alfredesque18/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 3 Years
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deviantID

(Not sure of anything.)

Listless

Mon Feb 8, 2010, 1:25 PM
It feels like such a long time ago that I'd settled on "just being." I'd struggled to become that way, and when it finally happened it was because I was no longer trying. Now, I'm struggling again.

I dunno what I want. I'm back to analyzing my life and trying to figure myself out. I'm back to feeling like nobody is dependable, which is a hopeless feeling because that means that neither am I and there's nothing I can do about it.

I start training at Cosi on Monday, February 15th. I'm grateful to finally have a job, but I'm not excited about it. I'm just nervous.

I have this empty or unsatisfied feeling. I know that all I want is to matter to people who matter to me, but it feels like there's nobody like that. I take comfort in a handful of people who I know I can trust, but they're all so far away that it doesn't matter right now. I thought I'd find some nook in my new situation, but I still feel pretty distant and undesirable to those around me (though I'm more comfortable than I was before).

In times like this, I should at least be able to buckle down and focus on my classes, or remain productive, organize my life, do laundry, cook, draw...but I don't want to any of that. I just want to bury my face in manga, or disappear into the same three anime that I've been watching. I don't even have access to reliable internet right now, so I can't really do that with ease...but I'm tired of trying to matter, so I'm just gonna hit refresh as many times as necessary for each page of Lovely Complex to load.


  • Mood: Lazy
  • Listening to: Maaya Sakamoto - Magic Number
  • Drinking: water

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Comments


:iconjangle-bangle:
Thank you so much for watching :woohoo:

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WOOOAAAHHH!
:iconmadame-origami:
T
h
a
n
k
s

for

the

fave~<3

--
\\\"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.\\\"


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:iconbittykate:
Thanks for the watch!
:iconclaudindasky:
Thank youuu
for the fave xX
:hug:

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CLoudiNDaSkY

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